As an enterprising future billionaire
and double major, I cannot stress just how much I cherish sleep. Not only me, but every college student
cherishes their sleep time like it was sent directly from God. So you can imagine how startled I was during
the first few weeks of college when I was awakened by loud noises from the
floor above. At first I didn’t mind it
because I figured that there was a bowling alley on the second floor of my
dorm, but soon grumbled and realized that it was actually some late-night
partiers. Not that there's anything wrong with going out and having a good time, mind you, but not all of us are night owls and some of us have classes at 7:00 or 8:00 in the morning. It's really a pity that some people aren't considerate enough to recognize that.
Such
people are what I like to call “Dorm Elephants.” Unless you attend a school
that only enrolls the strictly academics who believe social lives are out of
the question, you probably have the same problem if you live on campus. Dorm Elephants can act differently, but you
know they affect you if the bumping, thumping, and heel-clicking lasts more
than an hour at a time and happens only at night. But no need to worry fellow sleeper, I’ve
been experimenting with a few ideas on how to deal with this issue:
1. Invest
in a Broom
If you live on the first floor like me,
you’ll have to deal with the upstairs elephants as well as the ones in your
hallway. I cannot tell you how difficult
it was for me and my roommate to take flying leaps off of our beds in an
attempt to hit the ceiling with our fists (although it was a very good
workout). Fortunately we discovered that
if one of us held a broom handle in both hands, kept both feet planted on the
ground, and raised our arms up and down in a steady motion, we would achieve
the same effect without breaking something.
(NOTE: Broom handles are interchangeable with hockey sticks, baseball
bats, tree branches, or throwing shoes)
2. Think
Happy Thoughts
The Washington Post recently released
an article stating that the Freshman 15 is a myth for most college students except those who are heavy
drinkers. So when you hear those drunk
girls laughing a storm immediately after the phrase “OHMYGAAAAWWD!” or “SHUT
UP!” you can rest easy knowing that by the end of the semester they won’t even
be able to squeeze their heaving butt-cheeks into their skin tight, hot pink
booty skirts while their stilettos break under the weight.
3. Rally
Others
Odds are there is a silent majority of
people in your dorm praying for someone to rescue their sleep. If you can find at least three or four other
people who are bothered, form a plan of action.
I don’t mean writing “Quiet Please” on all of your white boards, I mean
a synchronous, direct approach. Try
this: get a group of non-elephants in your hallway to get into their pajamas
and mess their hair into frizzing masses of bed-headedness. If you want, take some purple or brown eye
shadow and give each other sleep-zombie eyes.
When the elephants are in a nice huddle down the hall, have everyone
open their doors and stare them down at the same time (Since elephants are
unpredictable, you’ll probably need to time this out via text on that
night). Not only will this get your
message across, but it will freak the living daylights out of the elephants.
If you prefer the indirect approach,
simply pass around a petition and ask them nicely “please quiet down because look
at all the people you’re disrupting,” but where’s the fun in that?
4. If
someone you love is a Dorm Elephant, SAVE THEM!!!!
You know you all complain to your
friends because they agree with you most of the time. But what if your friend agrees that Dorm
Elephants are indeed a huge nuisance, yet she is one? There’s nothing harder than telling a friend
that their actions bother you, but if they were REALLY your friend, they
wouldn’t get angry at you for telling the truth. Touch on it lightly; there’s nothing wrong
with going out, just please remember that not everyone does it and try to be
considerate. What’s more, if you get them
to stop being so loud, they’ll probably tell other Dorm Elephants.
Sleep is "Chief Nourisher in Life's Feast", helps us keep our beauty, and most importantly: our sanity. It is a luxury that everyone deserves no matter if they do it best with the lights turned off or when the sun is shining through your classroom window, do your best to respect it.
